European history as it should be
Once upon a time in the Mount, there was a man who taught AP Euro. Every week we would have a test on a chapter in our lovely history books and in preparation, this man would lecture on whatever he damn well pleased, regardless of relevance or accuracy. In many ways he prepared us for the horrid college professors we’d run into at some point in our lives who would do the same thing. It’s amazing what tenured teachers can get away with… When we weren’t watching strange movies or sleeping, he did prove to be wildly entertaining and even though I skipped out of half of his class nearly every day, I managed to capture some quality quotes over our 9 months together. These quotes were recently rediscovered. Enjoy.
Look at all the chubby angels whipping around the alter! They’re not wearing diapers!
Yes, I worship trees.
When they’re not busy shooting each other, they’re shooting Islamic people.
We’re in a war right now! I don’t care if you’re in love with your cat!
I’m gonna go to the back of the room and duck tape myself to the chair.
Oh, I got an idea! Let’s let the women work!
Shut up… shut up… shut up more…
Let’s see if we can throw a sixth grader into the pond!
I am a part of the Roosevelt administration.
Teachers are the biggest bunch of bitchers!
You anti-Romanian bigots!
I don’t care if you come to school in a cape with a green flower and knickers. You can’t beat the British.
Quiet please or I’ll bite.
It’s like standing in the presence of God and noticing that God has a little piece of toilet paper stuck to his sandal.
Some people see nature as a warm fuzzy lap to roll around in.
He massaged me and sang Czechoslovakian love songs…
He gave me a Commie salute… And I gave it back…
Grammar is someone you visit over the holidays.
I had a seizure in Byerly’s yesterday. A pumpkin pie seizure!
What a bunch of dufi we are!
Then I’d start eating the monkeys raw.
On Thursday, after the test, look at me and say, “wild boy”.
Vote communist. I give you lefsa.
Who can I kill to make this class more perfect?
There was a time when if you fooled around with Mr. Ressler upstairs, they’d burn you at the stake. Him too.
You’d go to hell if you had a calculator in your pocket.
Mmmmmmmmmmmmm. Child meat.
Don’t go back in a time machine and date Picasso.
Quit your bitchin! God wants you here!
My thoughts right now: hundreds of pages of the F word.
I think we should have babies the old fashioned way: nookie and by accident.
Oh what great times. I miss being a student.
